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new journal is at kisforkris . i may not post right away, though. :]

just wanted to make a note.
it's been a month, today.
/snugs vrax

i guess. first real art post in like 2 months and i could only bring myself to scan 3 things. ( suddenly, SERVALS EVERYWHERE )

also: prolly making a new lj soon. gotta figure out a name though
also: been in a big slump the past couple days. i hope i pull through sooner rather than later.

( survey on THE ISSUES )

aaaaaaahhh i'm so socially inept and bad at talking to people and on top of that the people i try to talk to are generally unfriendly
and now i'm all form-crisis'd although i figure it will pass quickly but i don't even know if i'm really a pitbull or serval-soul right now :CCC


aaaaaaahh :C /runs around in circles

lol somebody needs to tell my brother that his stepsister [to be] is not girlfriend material. he keeps following her around, insisting that they play "every day now", and i heard him say "let's kiss each other once". he's very distressed when she plays with other people, too. LOL. ugh, he's my dad all over again. i can see some weirded-out girlfriends in the future if that possessive quality of his keeps up. but he's 7... give him some time.

i need some tankgirl-style fuckup boots.


better yet, i need tankgirl.
the comics or the actual girl, doesn't matter.

DO. WANT. NOW.
;o;

and i see it a lot.



_{clarification: what is happening in the image, not the image itself.}

kris watts is done with public school forever.

like ancient bruises
i am awake and feel the ache


really nervous, moreso on a subconscious level than a conscious one. it's been showing; flaws in my immune system due to stress -- i caught a cold, possible sinus infection, maybe even my sister's bronchitis from whenever ago that my dad supposedly caught. i never get sick, maybe once or twice a year. and in my sleep the other night i continually dug/scratched at my belly button until my fingernails caused painful cuts and sores. last night, i kept waking up every hour starting at 5 AM, freaking out because i thought in my half-asleep state that i was somehow late for real graduation tomorrow instead of practice, which was today.
i haven't been this deeply anxious about something... maybe ever.

there are so, so many ways it could go all wrong tomorrow. i could be missing a fee and they never caught hold of me to tell me, and i couldn't walk. somebody or their parents could decide to be cute and mess up the process somehow. i could fall and hurt myself somehow. i could wear the wrong clothes without knowing it and not be allowed to walk. someone in my family could be turned away at the door for any reason, and because it's my day, it'd be my fault. my diploma could have been misprinted or lost. my name left out of the program somehow, and they forgot about me. [this is the kind of stuff i dream about, in endless variation. all the mistakes that could happen. somehow they're always my fault.]
there really isn't a good reason for me to be so scared. it's just a ceremony. sure, it'll take hours, and i'll be dead bored and tired and might feel a bit sick. but it'll be over before i know it, right?
i try to tell myself i'm in control here. that it's my choice to be anxious. but i can't always control everything like i've learned to "turn off" the pain from whatever's wrong with my foot. some things are just out of my hands. so many, many ways it could go wrong.
here's hoping it goes well.

i was eating a popsicle. sucked really hard on it, looked at the popsicle, there was blood. LOL
i sucked SO HARD that i made my mouth bleed. awesome. i think it has to be because i'm a trombone player. i got them insane mouth muscles. hahahha

the 'i don't exist .... doesn't mean i can fly or do whatever i please' part, anyway.


On the day that daniel Cowman stopped existing
The world should've ended right then and there
At precisely four-fifteen when he stopped existing
The world should've ended
How could it go on?
How could it go on?
How could it go on?

Oh and I don't exist
I don't exist…

And now that we got that straight, doesn't mean that i can fly
Doesn't mean that i can go do whatever i want
Now that we got that clear, and you know that i'm not here
Doesn't mean that i can go do whatever i please

The premature ejaculation of his death sentence
Hit daniel in the face like a big round spitball
And everything got hazy in the courtroom
And then he stood up and then he sat back down
Another two times in a row
And everything got real slow like a gunshot in the movies
And he remembered heroin boy walking through the door
Bouncing off the walls and the floor
Taking off his belt, taking off his pants
Filling up the bathtub, getting ready to go in for a swim
Singing, i don't exist...

And now that we got that straight, doesn't mean that i can fly
Doesn't mean that i can go do whatever i want
Now that we got that clear, and you know that i'm not here
Doesn't mean that i can go do whatever i please
And he start remembering and remembering and remembering
And remembering…

The heroin boy'd walk through the door
And he was screaming and everybody was, like,
What're you screaming as if it's the end of the world?
And he was, like, well it is
And i was sitting in the corner with my pants down
And i was sure someone next door was blowing up balloons
And they was red and orange

And there was this one lady at the bar and she was trying to buy gin
And this other lady at the bar and she was trying to sell gin
And it worked out good for the boths of them
And heroin boy started taking off his belt
Started taking off his pants, started taking off his shoes
Filling up the bathtub, getting ready to go in for a swim
I says, no--you're gonna drown
And he says, no--i can't drown
Simply because
Shhhh...

A man destined to hang
Can never drown,
A man destined to hang
Can never drown,
A man destined to hang
Can never ever drown.

A man destined to drown
Can never burn,
A man destined to drown
Can never burn,
A man destined to drown
Can never ever burn.

A man destined to fry
Can never ever ever
A man destined to fry
Can never ever ever
A man destined to fry
Can never ever ever die…
In any other way but frying,
Lucky that I'm dying
By hanging and not drowning.

So now that we got that straight
Can't I just be left alone?
I want to take a fuckin' bath

you know, it's stupid, but i'm pretty proud of being left-handed. like, i get all excited at the prospect of left-handed utensils, musical instruments, tools etc. shit's awesome.

and i really believe that left-handed people think differently most of the time. i think that should be kept in mind in certain situations. i believe it's a more important thing than one might think at first.

edit: OH SHIZ THE PRESIDENT IS LEFT-HANDED. AWESOME.

if i ever do get my music project/songs/whatever together, i might call it "!xobile". [pronounced click-bee-lay]
it's african, i think. i saw it ages ago. clicks are awesome.

i had a good lol at this blimp:
http://www.shorpy.com/files/images/24426u.preview.jpg

my next art topic: ALIENS. :D

gonna start planning other planets/alien races for when kyo becomes a spacer. YAY

rrrraaaaaghhh >:|

you guys if i graduate and get all my ducks in a row and get a job and my life is STILL this stressful, i am gonna shit.

so um apparently leonard nimoy is gonna be in an episode of fringe?
AWESOME?
GONNA WATCH IT OK?
YES?
:D


lol i am so happy he's still doing tv~ <3

guys, maybe the reason mom semi-gradually went from cool with me being gay and buying rainbow stuff to go on my car to "being gay is something you should suppress and try to fix, not embrace" is because she thought i was just a phase? and maybe now that she's realized it's been 3 years, it's dawning on her that yes, she REALLY DOES have a gay child?
:[
i'm just [still, two months later] trying to understand it. i wish she was making gay jokes and quoting statistics with me still.

http://www.unowen.net/tegaki/dblog.php?u=25116&e=648970
http://www.unowen.net/tegaki/dblog.php?u=25116&e=648992
they're both vrax :D